he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
