today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
