Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You're breaking my sexual little heart
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
