Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
