I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
