Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The uberlube is also flammable
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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