why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
