Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
