who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
