I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
