I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
