Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
