No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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