I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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