she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
