You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
