I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
