Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
