So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
