there's paper in my vomit.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize