That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize