there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
