Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
