Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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