i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
