My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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