Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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