So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
