I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
