Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
