You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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