You smell like a Billy Joel song
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up under a house in Key West
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
