after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
