he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
