Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ladies don't puke and tell
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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