I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
