omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
