Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
