Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
