i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
