So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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