Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
