i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
