for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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