I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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