He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What a dumb baby whore.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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