My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
