watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
