i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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