Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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