He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
