No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
