So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
