thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
