oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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