i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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