i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Houston, we have a squirter
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
