If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
