So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
