If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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