Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
