You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
