FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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