He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
