Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Randomize
