I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
