She's JV to your varsity
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
