hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
