Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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