just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
