I love black thongs
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize