i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
