a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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