11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
