I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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