I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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