Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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