A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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