I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
